Stressing the Fuck Out
I’ve cried twice in the past week (granted I am on the last week of my birth control). Not because of a death I had just seen or a new life being brought into this world, but because of my fucking higher up.
Getting so stressed out at work that it is carrying over to my home life. I’m just not motivated anymore, all I want to do it relax when I get the chance. That and the 8 hours of driving each week is starting to get to me. Knowing that I spend $240 on gas each month isn’t ideal either.
Most of all it’s affecting my relationship with Parker. I’ve been feeling so distant from him for a bit, I just didn’t know why. I brought it up and he finally told me I’ve been lazy lately with the chores (Never do I deny that subject; the “clean freak” gene didn’t pass to me apparently). I just explained how exhausted I was not having it. We got into it a bit until I started ballng. We’ve only ever fought like that twice and both times I cried hysterically. It’s the thought of being without him is what tears me apart. My world would crumble without him. He loves me so much, I strive to be better each day so he never falls out of it. I’ve never felt like this and I’m happy I held out for the love of my life because I certainly did not ever expect to fall in love with my Hawaii roommate’s best friend when I was growing up.
It’s the little things love is: how the warmth of his hand feels around mine on a cold winter’s night; the smell of his after-shave as he steps out of the bathroom; That first bashful look he gives me as he’s just waking up; let’s face it everyone loves a funny person. Communication is what we are good at. As soon as I started crying he came over and gave me a big bear hug. I calmed down, we sorted it out. Still wasn’t feeling right about it, so on the way to work I cried a little more over it. I texted him a novel telling how sorry I was and that I need to get off my ass. For awhile I thought he was ignoring me, but he texted the cutest things. Saying that he acted like an asshole and he’ll stop being so pushy. I’m loving this whole meet me halfway thing. I’ve never had a guy that has done that for me. The previous sentence is awkward for me to type because I can not remember the last time I compared him to another guy. He is quite the opposite, he is THE one. From day #1 I had no doubt I would be with him for as long as he’ll have me. This weekend we are headed to Colorado to meet with his brothers and go skiing for the first time. I feel selfish, but I’m excited for a little alone time with him Friday. Colorado is where we want to go after this school year, so maybe we can start scoping out some apartments or houses while we are there :)
….And now I’m happy again.